Update

hey .
I'm sorry to anyone who reads this.


For almost a year my depression has been its worst.
i was diagnosed at 13.
I've tried antidepressants at 13, psychiatry at 13 (uncompleted), counselling at 16/17, antidepressants again at 19, therapy at 19, counselling from 19 onwards.
nothing. has. worked.
Also, I found out I have social anxiety through therapy.

Everything just seems to get worse.

one side of my family is like 'oh okay, you're depressed and cant go outside...ok..but it'll go away'
the other is like:
'you need to get a job, you need to go outside, to need to do this, stop this, stop that'
in 2014 i had a job, i lost it because i couldnt cope and was apparently slow, work experience lead me to wanting to just hide in the bathroom
and cry, i couldnt cope because of everything in my head. i only lasted 3 or 4 days out of 2 weeks.
Going outside is difficult too. I have to be with my mum or a family friend or member of family.
My sleeping has gone to shit.
So, I booked an emergency doctors appointment for reasons im not going to say than it being my depression.
I don't like going to the doctors unless its urgent.
I also hate the nightmares .
Once it was about my grandad hanging himself in the kitchen, the other was me being hostage and a gun pointed to my head.
weird.

I like this song: